Special Product 089
by Dobius
Summary: Naruto is sick and tired of being alone, when Jiraiya gives him a unique package will his days of lonliness be over? Review!
1. Chapter 1 BEHOLD!

**Special Product**

**Summary:** Naruto is given a special doll by Jiraiya…

**Note:** Naruto is 16 in this story. **thoughts**, "…" **spoken word**

**Enjoy the Fic! **Disclaimer:I renounce the rights to anything I didn't create...OBVIOUSLY

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**Chapter 1:** BEHOLD!!!

Electric blue eyes swept the hallway of the apartment complex frantically, looking for something with irritated frustration. A sigh of agitation worked its way loose of the blonde shinobi's lips before he slammed the door and slumped against it, a restless frown accompanying his rapidly tapping foot.

"Where the hell is it?" he wondered aloud to himself. "Sensei said it would be here today dammit!" Naruto thought back a couple days to when he had been told about the product by his sensei.

**-----Flashback---**

Smoke Filled the building as cheers, catcalls and the thumping bass of "Get Low" rang out through the congested air. The scents of lust, alcohol, and cigars were heavy in the atmosphere of the club, filling Naruto's nose every time he took a breath. But, he was more or less ignoring it.

The Blonde's mental power was put toward watching enviously as men both his age and older easily conversed with the fairer sex. All of them seeming to have god-given knowledge on how to approach and attract females with ease. It's not fair! Naruto mentally groaned, his eyes sliding across the floor only to behold a certain Uchiha whispering in some big breasted girl's ear, grinning as she blushed and giggled before she turned around and captured his lips in a kiss.

Of course, Naruto nearly roared in frustration.

"What the hell is it that every other freakin' male on the_** planet**_ seems to know about females that I don't?" He muttered, conveniently forgetting that he could easily talk to a certain blue haired Hyuga if he wanted.

Naruto sulked from his balcony seat, not noticing the approach of the greatest pervert the world has ever known, from his right.

"Naruto, what are you doing here?" The loud mouthed Sannin questioned, grinning from ear to ear at his two beautiful young companions.

The fox-container simply glared balefully at the white haired ninja for breaking his sullen mood. why the hell does he seem to pop up at the worse times possible he wondered, briefly thinking that the universe was waving a big "**FUCK YOU!" **signwith a flashing neon arrow pointing at him. He chuckled with sham amusement before turning back towards the dance floor, mentally willing his sensei to leave.

Of course he would never be that lucky.

Jiraiya had by now of course noticed his pupils brooding mood, and quickly noticed the young man's lack of female companionship. Putting two and two together a devious plot formed in the perverted hermit's mind, a low evil chuckle working its way loose of his throat as he rubbed his hands together; scaring the crap out of his female company.

The old man pulled out a stool next to Naruto, and planted a large hand on the teenagers back. "Naruto, what would you say to me helping you with your predicament hmmm?" He questioned, knowing the exact sequence of events that was to follow

The blonde immediately glared at him suspiciously (which Jiraiya had expected) before questioning, "What exactly do you mean by help" Jiraiya immediately responded: "I mean just that, I know a way that would help you to understand how to court a female. No perverted antics this time Naruto, I just don't want to see my student and future Hokage brood for the rest of his life cause' he never made it with a girl before." He started off comfortingly, ending with the dry tone to end all dry tones.

Naruto seemed to consider for a few minutes before concluding: what the hell, it's not like I have anything to loose… " Alright sensei, what do I need to do?" he inquired, trying his best not to sound eager.

Mentally, Jiraiya bellowed maliciously as demonic chakra flared around him, doing a little Jig with a victory sign waving over his head.

"Just wait for a package in the mail four days from now Naruto, everything will be explained from there."

And with that, the Sannin got up and left with his female 'friends'.

**--End Flashback--**

Naruto sighed again for the umpteenth time as he briefly glanced at the clock. 1:35 PM was displayed in bright red numbers, as if mocking him for thinking it would be any other time of day. He walked away from the door and slumped down on a comfortable reclining chair, entering a medative state as he attempted to clear his mind of all frustrations, calming his nerves that were snapping with anticipation, worry, and annoyance at the lateness of the freaking mail man.

This lasted all of forty seconds before a knock rang out against the oak door at the entrance into his abode.

Of course Naruto bolted for it like Choji when he hears the word "food".

The mailman jumped in surprise as the door was ripped open, a crimson eyed blonde from hell waiting on the other side.

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN!" He roared, flames from the underworld spouting up around him, scaring the living shit out of the poor man before him.

"I-I h-had a f-few extra d-d-deliveries to m-make sir, s-sorry if I'm l-late." He sputtered out, cowering in fear of the hell-spawn that stood before him.

"A FEW DELIVERIES, YOU'RE TWO HOURS, FORTY MINUTES AND TWELVE SECONDS LATE YOU SONNOVA BITCH!" Naruto honestly did very nearly transform into the Kyuubi right then and there.

The man screamed in terror before trying to pacify the raging shinobi by quickly taking out the signing sheet. "I-if you w-would please sign h-here, I can g-give you y-your package s-sir." He managed to spit out, his heart beating twelve times faster than normal as trepidation coursed through his veins.

Naruto angrily snatched the clipboard out of the man's hands before signing his name in sharp furious letters, and shoving it back into his chest.

"I-I'll be back with the p-package." He sputtered, before sprinting away like a marathon runner to hurry and get the demon's package, before he eviscerated him.

Naruto growled with fury at the thought of having to wait any longer for his package, and he nearly attacked the man when he came back for not bringing it with him in the first place. Naruto glared at the man and snatched the large box out of his hand, before slamming the door hard enough to crack the wood.

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Naruto hurriedly ripped the box apart in his mad quest to discover what Jiraiya had sent him. Is it a tool kit? A Woman's Brain? Bishop Magic Don Juan? 

Naruto stopped and stared stupidly at what was in the case.

"A Girl?"

**Author's Note:** Just to let you know, the first two or three chapters are going to be short. But don't rip your hair out; the second chapter will be up within a week!

J


	2. Chapter 2 KIS OF DOOOOOM!

**Chapter 2:** The kiss of DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Naruto stared for a good five minutes at the thing before him.

At first Naruto had thought Jiraiya had sent him a dead girl in a box… which he would have murdered the Sannin for, regardless of their difference in strength. He however, soon realized what it was…

**--Flashback--**

The Karakura Corporation is proud to present its newest product! For all you down and out men out there, we are proud to introduce WONDER WOMAN the most innovative doll on the market. Learn how to finally get the girl of your dreams! Learn how to please a woman! Learn how to stop being the big fat looser that you are! You can do all this for twelve easy payments of 59.99$!

For information on how to order this amazing product, call

1-800-983-DOLL that's 1-800-983-DOLL! Order yours today and experience the revolution in romance technologies.

Naruto glared stupidly at the short Japanese man yelling at him from the TV screen….really no one should have that kind of energy at three in the morning.

**--End Flashback--**

Naruto inspected the doll before him for a few minutes. It looked so real that he had at first assumed it was a human…Of course you had to ignore the completely featureless face that it had, but you could still easily tell it was a girl.

Naruto noticed a flash of red and reached to grab it when he realized it was the instruction manual. He shrugged and opened it, reading carefully.

"Uh huh…hand signs…blah blah blah…food pills for energy…blah blah goopety goopety goo."

It basically said to first clear your mind and form the Tori, Inui, and Shokai hand signs, before pressing your hand against the seal on the doll, and performing the activation jutsu.

Naruto put the book down, and looked over the girl.

She was wearing a short dark purple tank top and black skin tight sweat pants, with Dark blue ninja sandals. He thought it was a strange ensemble but he guessed you were supposed to take the doll shopping for clothes or whatever…as weird as that thought was…

Naruto blushed slightly as he wrapped his arms around the girl's waist and lifted her from the box, to lay her on the couch. She was fairly tall, he noticed. He had shot up in height in recent years (to his thorough satisfaction) and now stood at a fair five foot ten. He guessed she was maybe two or three inches shorter than him, but she hadn't been all that heavy. He estimated she weighed somewhere between one thirty and one fifty, he really didn't know.

The blonde Jonin searched for her seal before he carefully flipped her over, only to find it in plain view. Naruto whistled in appreciation. It had to have been one of if not the most complex seal he had ever seen in life. It depicted the phoenix, holding the sun in its talons with the eight facets of life inscribed in Kanji around it. The whole thing was surrounded in a large eight point star that corresponded to each of the eight facets. He took a moment to admire the work before he sighed

"May as well go ahead and… turn her on…" Naruto immediately viciously stomped out the perverted mini-Jiraiya in his head at that statement, ignoring its high pitched screams of revenge, and promises to return mightier than ever.

Naruto concentrated his chakra before beginning the seals he had memorized from the manual. "Tori, Tori, Inui, Tori, Shokai, Tori, Ne, Mitsugin, Ne, Tori, Shokai, Tori, Arami, Tori, Nagi, Tori, Ne, Mitsugin, Inui, Tori, Ne, TORI. **Sealing Jutsu:** Breath of Creation"

Naruto placed his hand on the seal and watched as it glowed bright pink before vanishing on her skin, similar to Naruto's own seal.

He watched with fervent interest as the body of the girl lifted off of the couch and brilliant pinkish-red chakra consumed her, and simultaneously sent out a tendril that enveloped him. He of course momentarily panicked before realizing that this was part of the process, and immediately let himself relax as he felt the chakra searching through his mind for something.

Just as suddenly as it had happened, the chakra left his mind and returned to the doll, which started to shine in a brilliant white light as it transformed. Naruto threw up his hand in a vain attempt to shield his eyes from the luminous chakra as a small wave of power burst from the doll, knocking Naruto back onto his back from the force of the mini explosion, and into a sate of unconsciousness.

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Sakura sighed in agitation as she approached her blonde team-mates door. She was sent by Tsunade to get the idiot for his yearly physical exam. He was supposed to have come in four days ago and he hadn't, so of course it fell upon her shoulders to take care of it, and drag him to the hospital kicking and screaming if necessary.

"Oi, Naruto are you home?" She questioned, banging on the door none to gently, a clear sign of her 'delight' at having to do this.

She waited a few moments and after she didn't' get a reply she pulled the spare key out of her pocket. "Idiot is probably sleeping." She reasoned as she fitted the metal piece into the door before walking into the apartment.

The first thing Sakura noticed was an unfamiliar Chakra source that was present in the fairly large home (Naruto had long since upgraded from the hole in the wall he used to own). The second thing she noticed was that Naruto was unconscious. She could tell by the reversed flow of chakra he was producing, which only occurred during sleep, or bouts of mental unawareness.

Cautiously, the pink haired shinobi drew a kunai from her pouch as she silently approached the living room, extending her senses so she could catch any jutsu the unknown source would try to perform.

As soon as she stepped into the room Sakura saw what was producing the chakra source, and couldn't help the small gasp of shock that worked its way loose of her parted lips. "Wha?" she half formed the word as she witnessed some female straddling her teammate's waist, leaning over him and capturing his lips in a very intimate lip-lock.

Sakura's shock quickly turned to anger (for what even she wasn't sure) and she yelled at the girl. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" She exclaimed, glaring at the brown haired bimbo with as much contempt as possible.

Much to Sakura's vexation the woman looked up at her for a split second, then as if dismissing her, went back to kissing the cataleptic boy pinned beneath her.

Sakura immediately felt her blood pressure reach previously unexplored heights.

"I- SAID- WHAT- ARE- YOU- DOING!" She roared, pronouncing each syllable with a strong hostile undertone.

The woman sighed and sat up before glaring at Sakura, truly paying attention to her for the first time.

"I am trying to wake up my boyfriend if you don't mind." She cattily replied, her eyes narrowing to slits with her obvious agitation at the pink haired girls persistent interference.

"B-boyfriend?" She questioned, her eyebrows arching in shock at the unexpected answer. Wait, Since when does Naruto have a girlfriend? 

Sakura's anger immediately returned and she raised the Kunai in warning. She knew that the girl was a shinobi, her chakra level was far larger than any ordinary humans; and she wasn't even attempting to cover it up. "Naruto doesn't have a girlfriend" Sakura's glare turned deadly as she quickly considered the quickest way to disable the woman that had apparently attacked Naruto.

The brown haired woman's expression turned furious. "How dare you imply that I'm lying! Naruto is my boyfriend and if you want proof you can ask him yourself!"

Using the accusation as fuel, the girl once again bent down over Naruto and kissed him deeply, her anger falling a notch once she tasted the sweet lips of the man that had given her life.

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Electric blue eyes slowly opened, his pupils gradually enlarging to adapt to the lack of light. Confusion swirled around in his head temporarily before he realized where he was. The oh so familiar cracked walls and steadily flowing stream of water being his tips.

"Great, the fox wants to see me."

The blonde lay still for a few more moments before finally getting off of the floor. "May as well get it over with…" he mumbled, immediately wishing he was any other place but here.

Soon enough he came to the colossal gates that restrained one of the mightiest beings on this realm of existence. Naruto looked over the gates for a few moments, briefly amused at the thought of a flimsy piece of paper being enough to contain the Nine Tailed Fox.

Naruto's lazily floating thoughts snapped to attention once he heard the low brassy growl of the Kyuubi, accompanied by its claws clinking sharply against the concrete; signaling the immense beasts approach.

He never did get quite used to the fox's presence.

"Boy" The single word dripped with barely restrained violence and rage; all of it being directed at the filthy ape that stood before him.

Despite all of his blustering bravado Naruto felt a slight twinge of apprehension rip through his nerves at the word. It was immediately followed by a mental groan. He just _**knew**_this was going to be one of those four hour long conversations.

**Author's Note: **This Chapter seemed to move so sluggishly to me… anyway, review; tell me what you think about the story so far, and if you would, could you point out any mistakes I may have made, I don't have a Beta so I may have missed something. Third Chapter is already up!

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